I Will Fail You

I am and always have been a perfectionist. There's absolutely nothing I hate more than failure. In fact, as I was growing up, I often said my biggest fear was rejection and failure. There have even been times when it got so bad that when I didn't know for certain that I could and would be the best — or at least among them — at something, I wouldn't even try to do it.

To this day, I tend to find myself backing out of things or throwing away projects I've worked on because what came out wasn't the best out there. Even when it's good, I struggle to accept that fact and just let it be if I see anything about something I've done that could be better. Is it a good quality of my personality? No, it's not, but it's part of who I am.

Whenever I do that or I end up being really hard on myself over a mistake I made, though, I do what I always do. I turn to music. In this case, I find what some might call an odd sense of comfort in a song titled I Will Fail You from the Christian metal band Demon Hunter. In that song, the singer talks about the fact that no matter how good things might seem or how well-meaning he might be, temptation will eventually win and he will eventually fail.

For anyone who might be unfamiliar with the song, but interested in the lyrical content of it, full lyrics can be found here.

Despite the fact that a surface reading of those lyrics might lead to a grim conclusion of fatalism and deep feelings of inadequacy, a more in-depth reflection reveals the true meaning behind them. The song is nothing more than an acknowledgement of the human condition. As humans, we're all deeply flawed on a spiritual level and especially when left to our own nature, will always fail.

That's not to say we have a license to simply hurt whoever we want or act however we please, but it is to say there's no expectation of the perfection for which I strive. You will fail yourself, you will fail your friends, you will fail your family, you will fail God. And guess what... so will I, many more times than I already have.

What most people, myself included for many years, don't realize, though, is that no one expects anything else, to some degree, especially God. Everyone knows you're human and you can't be perfect. As Romans 3:9-10 says in the New American Standard Bible, "What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; as it is written: 'There is no righteous person, not even one.'"

It's always easy for us to put ourselves and others up on this pedestal of unrealistic expectations and at some point in life, we'll all be guilty of it. I know from having been told as much on a few occasions that I often seem to have it all figured out and I don't struggle with a lot of the same things other people do. That couldn't be further from the truth.

I struggle just as much as anyone else, sometimes more. Just as is the intended message behind that Demon Hunter song, however, I know I'm not alone.

The greatest key to understanding that isn't going to be found in any song lyrics, though. The greatest key to being able to rest in the knowledge that I'm flawed and I'm not expected to be perfect is found in the Word of God. As soon as we all realize we aren't capable of achieving the perfection we desire and start to understand the grace and forgiveness provided through Jesus Christ, it all becomes much clearer.

So, yes, I will fail myself, I will fail God and if you know me, I will fail you. You'll do exactly the same thing. It is and always will be inevitable, but for those of us who are saved by the grace of God, forgiveness will always be within our grasp, just a prayer away. Acknowledging our flawed nature and the fact that even though failure is inevitable, it's never permanent unless we make it so is really the only way to avoid a life of near-constant disappointment and despair.

He never put us on any sort of pedestal of perfection because He always knew we couldn't achieve it and ultimately, He secured that perfection for us. Why should we, as mere humans, think we have a right to expect anything more?