Hope for the Broken

As I've mentioned on a number of occasions in different places, music has always played a very influential role in my life. Over the years, my musical tastes have evolved as one would expect, but one thing that has been a mainstay for me since I was pretty young is my love for the various forms of heavy metal music.

Even now, when my typical musical selections are mostly Christian rather than the secular music I used to exclusively listen to, that trend has done nothing but continue and even expand. About a year or so ago, I was exposed to a song through a group of which I'm a member on Facebook that I wish I'd found years ago. Granted, the time in my life in which that song would have been most beneficial was quite a while before the song was even written, but that's beside the point.

When I was young, I dealt with a lot of things with which no child should have to deal. As a result of those struggles, I experienced many years of depression and negative thoughts I always knew had no business entering my mind. For lack of a better way to put it, I was broken.

The thing is, though, despite the fact that a lot of my struggles were the result of spiritual abuses, I never lost my faith. In fact, many times over the years when I started to think I wasn't good enough or I was overwhelmed by the darkness of my thoughts, I simply used that as a motivation to dive deeper into my faith. I never knew it at the time, but years later, I'd ultimately find myself stumbling across a song that pretty much perfectly encapsulated everything I was feeling.

That song is one titled Hope for the Broken by the American Christian metalcore band Convictions. Throughout the lyrics of that song, the singer talks about being lost in the depths of despair, but hiding it all behind a mask of happiness and maintaining his faith through it all. The song, as a whole, can basically be boiled down to a cry for help, while simultaneously acknowledging that regardless of how deep the hole feels, there's always hope in God.

For anyone who might be interested, full lyrics can be found here.

Even though I'm past a lot of those struggles and I don't experience many of the feelings I did when I was younger anymore, I still can't really help but acknowledge the fact that as the chorus of that song states, I am not the person I said I would become. I'm a perfectionist at heart, so that will probably always be the case. I do, however, know that I'm far better than I once was and that has very little to do with me, but can be wholly attributed to the work God has done in my life over the years since my childhood.

For exactly that reason, I find myself in a very confusing emotional state when I listen to Hope for the Broken. I'm happy and grateful that I'm no longer the broken little boy I used to be, but I often find myself struggling to hold back tears, because the memories of what used to be are still indelibly imprinted on my mind. I'm still not perfect and despite the fact that I know I never will be and I'm not even expected to be, that bothers me. It likely always will.

The most important thing that I now couldn't forget if I wanted to, however, is that as He was when I was young, my God is still the hope for the broken.

As weird as it feels and probably sounds to the outside observer, the emotional paradox I find myself in when listening to that song is a pretty large part of why I like it as much as I do. Am I the only one who delights in such self-reflection? Maybe, but I'm used to being a bit on the strange side. If I'm not alone, or even if I am, I'm always curious to hear the thoughts of those around me on such subjects, so feel free to share your own.