Dealing With Uncertainty

I've spent my whole life not knowing a lot of things I wish I knew and that many people take for granted. In the early years of my life, that uncertainty pertained to not just what I'd be doing on a day-to-day basis, but my survival.

When I was born, my parents were told I wouldn't live beyond the first five years of my life. After I did that, we were all told I wouldn't make it through my teenage years and then, my early 20s. When I was 28, I was diagnosed with cancer and quickly told I wouldn't have lived past the age of 30 if it hadn't been discovered and treated when it was.

As I get older, I've decided to ignore such prognostications of disaster, but I do still have some things I have no choice but to consider, pretty much every day. The main one of those issues that I have no choice but to continually think about, at least on some level, is the hydrocephalus with which I was born.

The most likely cause of that disorder is a malformation in the back of my skull that seems to be the main cause of the blockage in my body’s natural spinal fluid drainage system. Had that malformation been identified early enough as the probable cause or the hydrocephalus, it could have been fixed, but since so many years have gone by without the natural drainage system in my head being used, fixing the malformation would no longer be of any real use. As a result, the disorder must now be managed through the use of a manmade mechanical device.

Due to the propensity for failure inherent to all manmade mechanical devices, I know it will malfunction again, but I have no way to have any sort of concrete idea as to when. As I’ve said many times over the years, that puts me in a position in which I could end up on an emergency room bed, half dead, within about an hour of any given moment. The malfunctions and their results tend to take effect that quickly.

As I’ve gotten older and gotten more experience in dealing with that disorder, I don’t really think about it all that much anymore, but it’s always in the back of my mind, because it has to be there. Ever since I got cancer, the chance of recurrence, however remote that may be, is right there with it.

On top of that, I have been forced over the years to deal with much of the same uncertainty nearly every Christian considers, at one time or another. Whether it be doubts about my salvation, doubts about the path I’m on in life or anything else, I know many of the uncertainties I experience are far from unique.

And sometimes, those uncertainties get to me. I know they shouldn’t and I know exactly what I should do when those doubts come creeping in, but I don’t always do it.

The New Testament is quite clear on that matter, though. As Philppians 4 says, Christians always have a way out of the mental and emotional anguish caused by those doubts. That way out is often easier said than done for people like me who desire to have as much control as possible over the events of life.

Philippians 4:6-7 says in the New American Standard Bible, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

I don’t know about you, but I often find it very difficult to leave all of my problems and anxieties at the feet of God. That’s not because I think He can’t or won’t handle it, but because my upbringing has forced me into the belief that I should. I know how foolish that is and how wrong I often am, but the sentiments remain, nonetheless.

As is often the case in many instances, I always find that things get a whole lot easier and my burdens feel a much lighter when I do, though. When I find myself struggling or worrying, there’s never been a time when I didn’t know taking it all to God in prayer would help. As much as I still think I should be able to work my way out of my own problems, I still know He’s a lot better at fixing things than I’ll ever be.

That’s something I’ll probably have to continue to work on for the rest of my life. And if you find yourself in the same position, trust me, any reason you can think of not to just pray about it and let God take the lead is wrong. You don’t have to fix it on your own and you shouldn’t even try, in many situations.

That’s not to say that we should never try to help ourselves, though. Often, when we think to ask questions of other people or get offers of assistance from the people in our lives, that’s the way God chose to answer our prayers. In other words, there’s no reason to think we always have to solve every problem or answer every question completely independently, but there’s not much sense in waiting for some big, sudden, miraculous fix for everything we’ve been praying about, either.

The only truly important thing to recognize is even when we might not always expect it, God is always there and wants to help ease the anxiety.